Coaching Demo with Ebony Fagbuyi: Exploring the Wheel of Life for Personal Growth
with Ebony Fagbuyi, Leadership coaching, relocation, Maxwell Leadership
Transcript
Edited for readability: filler words removed, names checked. It may still contain errors. The audio is the source of truth.
Ebony Fagbuyi
A Wheel of Life can really help to get more perspective, to get them started on reflecting on something and to have a starting point of inspiration.
Tobi
It was maybe admitting that this fun and recreation part is so low. I put it here on the four, because that is simply where it is if I am honest with myself.
These days I would say I really enjoy the career and business part, and that is also fun. I work with people I really enjoy working with. So maybe I could even say I am okay with the amount of fun in my life, not so much with the amount of actual recreation.
Intro
Tobi
Welcome to the Making of a Coach. I'm Tobi from metaFox, and on today's episode I continue my conversation with Ebony Fagbuyi. On last week's episode we explored her making of story, her career and how she works with coaching providers.
Today we continue and get very hands-on with Ebony's actual coaching practice.
We dive into one of her most fundamental tools, the Wheel of Life. Instead of simply talking about it, and being a strong believer in show, don't tell, we will actually run a small demo.
To make this easy to follow we will also show the actual Wheel of Life on video. So even if you listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, you can pull out your phone towards the middle of the episode and check the video, so you have a good idea of what we are talking about.
Beginning of interview
Tobi
With my clients there are many tools, and one very common tool is the Wheel of Life. The Wheel of Life is something I give to my clients if we need something the client can use to find the areas they want to work on.
Ebony Fagbuyi
So maybe if they are not really clear about where they stand in life or how things are, then a Wheel of Life can really help to get more perspective, to get them started on reflecting and to have a starting point of inspiration. And that is what we have prepared for today.
Tobi
Awesome. So I basically stepped into the shoes of your client as a leader at metaFox, and I received a video from you where you briefed me on what I am doing here and how the Wheel of Life looks, plus a short how-to sheet where you introduced me to the concept. I am sharing my screen here. I put both of them on the board so we can see it. It is a small introductory sheet, nicely branded with your logo. Would you like to lead us through it?
Ebony Fagbuyi
Yes, sure. I use this written template. We would have a session and then I would suggest, how about we fill out this tool, the Wheel of Life? It gives an overview. And then I would share this document.
What we see here is an example of a filled out Wheel of Life. As you can see, it is a circle divided into different sections, and these sections describe different areas of life. That could be health and recreation, significant other and love, finances, career or business development.
So I have named them already. However, the client is always free to choose their own sections. If they feel that spirituality, for instance, doesn't really fit and they would like something else, then they put something else there.
And then you see the different colors, just to highlight the different sections a little bit more.
It can be in one color, obviously. Each section has rings. The outer ring is the ten point and the inner part is the zero point, and then it goes one, two, three, four, up to ten at the outer edge of the ring, so that you can evaluate yourself in a specific area on a scale from zero or one to ten, of where you feel or sense or think that you are in life.
There can be a lot of realization happening just by illustrating my own life in a visual like that.
Tobi
Great. So I received this template, an A4 PDF that you sent me, in landscape format. And then I simply filled in the standard categories we have: health and fitness, fun and recreation, career and business, personal growth, significant other, spirituality, finance and relationships. After watching your video and reading your introductory sheet I put that in here. It took maybe 15 minutes to reflect a bit on how I am doing in each area, just as mental notes for me.
I guess if we worked offline together I might have done that in a journal or on an extra sheet of paper.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Yes, so everyone can see or hear now that the Wheel of Life doesn't take long. Even the client may think, is that a big task? It is really something to reflect on quickly.
And then as a coach you can take it to the next level in the way you like. You can do it inside a coaching session, filling it out together and giving the client the time. The way I like to do it is to give it, lovingly said, as homework. I say, here is the tool, and provide it to them, and then they do it in their spare time, whenever they feel ready, when they have the time, space and environment to fill it out.
Tobi
Thanks for the intro. Should we hop into our roles as coach and client now and do a little demo?
Ebony Fagbuyi
Let's do this, Tobi. Now that we have your completed Wheel of Life, let's explore what the insights are there for you and what it reveals to you.
Tobi
Filling this out came relatively easy. As you can see, I used colors. I started with career and business, that came most easily to think of, and then I worked through counterclockwise. Career and business: I am in a very good spot right now. These are exciting times, with our metaFox team growing up and evolving. I was able to step a bit out of my operational involvement in many areas, which also enables me to hop into a new project. So I am back in founder and business developer shoes, and that is great.
So I was thinking, that is easily a nine or ten. But at second thought I also realized I am spread a bit too thinly across multiple projects, because with more time the time very quickly filled up again, and the transition also takes longer than I dreamed of. But it is still one of my highest scoring areas.
With this podcast, and also working with a new business partner on a more service and leadership consulting kind of business, I learned a lot about myself. We recently ran a development center where I discovered inner flexibility as an area of development for myself that I am working on. So I am really enjoying the personal growth options that I get through that. Should I just go through the areas, or how would you like to do this?
Ebony Fagbuyi
As you like, we can also explore the whole wheel. For instance, what is the first thing that stood out to you as you look at the whole wheel?
Tobi
When I look at it now, I would say the lower part is where I am really doing well, also in my personal life.
Lots of growth. And as it so often is with these quadrants, when some are nicely filled up it is the other ones that suffer a bit. I think that is quite clearly visible.
Fun and recreation, as well as the relationships and friends part.
To some extent also the health and fitness part. I think that is falling more short than I would love.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Were there any confirmations or surprises for you as you were filling this out?
Tobi
It was maybe admitting that this fun and recreation part is so low. I put it here on the four, because that is simply where it is if I am honest with myself.
And these days I would say I really enjoy the career and business part, and that is also fun. I work with people I really enjoy working with. So maybe I could even say I am okay with the amount of fun in my life, not so much with the amount of actual recreation.
Ebony Fagbuyi
That is a strong realization here. Was that surprising to you, or more of a confirmation of something you knew?
Tobi
I guess it is a long term theme of sorts. In that sense it is not very surprising, but seeing it here, yellow on white, makes it a bit more drastic.
Ebony Fagbuyi
What other patterns or themes did you notice?
Tobi
When I was looking at the relationships, friends and family quadrant, I think I have a good community of friends here in Cologne. I also came to enjoy a lower number of people, but deeper relationships.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Where would you say the influencing factors are, in the way these show up for you? You had some correlations already. Where would you say the influencing factors are?
Tobi
If I look at the amount of time I get to spend with my family, and when I say family I mean my mom and my sisters, that correlates of course with the location we live in. There I would say my wife and her job take priority, that is why we live in North Rhine-Westphalia in western Germany. And it is also the high score that I gave myself in love and significant other that takes from the relationship quadrant in some way.
Ebony Fagbuyi
So it is taken away from it.
And I think the same could be said for career and business versus fun and recreation. All right. What would you think others would see in your Wheel of Life that you have not considered?
Tobi
Overall I am happy with the scores. It is a bit a question of where you put the scale, but I would say overall, for me, the scales are as high as they realistically can be. So it looks good, if I try to look at it from the outside.
It also has a bit of this, I am not sure what they would say. A sort of workaholic look, maybe. Although the highest score I gave myself is in love and significant other.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Well, the question here is, what is the wheel you ideally want to have? If there were a blueprint for your next level, what would you like to change or keep?
Tobi
It would be great to make more room for fun and recreation, and maybe at the same time for health and fitness. So getting back into that routine of meeting friends to do sports, which we used to have and which died down a bit at the moment, because that would address all three of these areas of development: the recreation part, the health part and the relationships part.
Ebony Fagbuyi
What would be a small shift that could create the most impact then?
Tobi
Agreeing with those three friends I used to go bouldering with on a day. Let's say Monday, we really go, and that is the default day. So changing it from opt in, texting, hey, let's go bouldering tomorrow, to opt out, hey, I can't this week. I think that would be one concrete step.
Ebony Fagbuyi
How would that change the area? What would you say?
Tobi
If I did manage to really make that happen, it would bring me up here in fun and recreation, and also in friends and family.
Ebony Fagbuyi
What comes up for you when you look at this framework?
Tobi
It seems more balanced in a way. What makes me a bit less enthusiastic is that it is also adding another thing. I am wondering whether it is the right strategy to add more to my schedule to bring those fields up, or whether it is more about removing something down here that would actually truthfully bring me up there. So rather cutting down, or getting more focus in the career and business area, in order to make more room for recreation. Not by adding more things in there, but by creating space for nothing.
Ebony Fagbuyi
When I look at you, holding yourself up here, it seems like it is making it tighter, like there is something lying on your chest. What would bring relief?
Tobi
I guess a stronger focus in the career and business area. Saying, these are all the things we could do, and now, this quarter or this year, it is not the time for that. Or saying, Denise, or insert metaFox team member, this is your project and I hand it over to you. Maybe we can have a call every two weeks on it, but not more, I really need to step out of that. By narrowing down the variety in the career and business quadrant, I could make more room for the yellow fun and recreation area.
Ebony Fagbuyi
And how does this new room feel?
Tobi
Spacious. I think that is where my hesitation was coming from with that bouldering idea. It squeezes another thing into the available space, rather than creating more open space.
Ebony Fagbuyi
I could see you readjusting as well. It was like you were standing like this, and then you say, I feel spacious. So as we come to a close of our session, what would you say would be a good move forward, and how would you hold yourself accountable?
Tobi
We did an exercise not so long ago that is actually similar to the Wheel of Life, which was filling up my week with activities and saying, what are my main activities right now?
I think that could be a way to visualize it for myself and hold myself accountable, and to withdraw a bit from certain things. That is something I could do for myself easily, on a monthly basis maybe.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Okay. Just imagine with me, six months from now you have done all that and it looks exactly like that. What comes to mind? How do you feel?
Tobi
There is this spaciousness and more room for family. That is what I see on the horizon, and it would make more room. If I look at the Wheel of Life here, it would bring up the right side, friends and family, spirituality. I think there would be more room for these areas to grow.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Well, then thank you so much for that, and I wish you all the best with creating the room and the space that you want, so that family and friends have a place to fill that space for you.
Tobi
Thank you.
Ebony Fagbuyi
You're welcome.
Tobi
Thanks so much. Let's step back out of our client and coach shoes.
Would you say that is how a conversation could also go for you in the real world?
Ebony Fagbuyi
It is quite similar to how it would happen in real life. What is a little bit different is that I shortened it according to the flow. A Wheel of Life debrief can take much longer than the time we had.
It was, I would say, a general ending of: okay, I have something to move forward with. How does that feel, not just what do you think. So there are different levels of creating a plan.
What popped up first when you were filling this out, so that they have the time to really go through it. I know and I acknowledge that not every coach has the time for it, because you might have a session of 30 minutes, 45 minutes or an hour, so that might differ.
As I like to be expansive and transformative, in a way where we have the time to explore and go deeper, it takes more time.
Tobi
What was good was picking out: what is surprising, what can we see and learn here. And then I also noticed that at some point I was really in my head, approaching this as a very cognitive task. It was a real game changer when you invited me to step back from the tool, from the visual, and connect with my body, with this question of how does that feel.
And bringing in that theme of spaciousness. That is really what I take away, and what added a lot of value here. When you stepped away from the tool and pulled me more towards myself, that was the key moment for me.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Thanks for sharing.
That is what a Wheel of Life looks like. I hope it gives a lot of inspiration, also for coaches who want to use the Wheel of Life. As you could see, and as we discussed, there are many ways this can go. You can pull it back out in the next session and have it as an anchor.
As you lead a client through a coaching session, it can be supportive for reflection, and supportive in the sense of having something to anchor to or come back to. But it can also be just a starting point, which you then put aside and maybe bring back at the end to measure.
Because it has scales. So you can nicely measure how this has changed over time. You started here, let's explore again. So you have a tool you can use that way.
Tobi
So, trying to paraphrase: in that session it comes up that there is a bigger theme around, in my example, making time for recreation. Where does that time or that space come from? That could be something we then work on. And possibly go back to another, not yet filled, Wheel of Life template after three months and check in: how would you fill it now?
Have we moved the needle?
Ebony Fagbuyi
Right. And I think for coaches who have their own practice it can really be helpful, because it gives you a measurement tool as well. We talked about these coaching service providers that have coaches and do coaching.
When I step in there, I don't need this so much, because the company does it for me. The client already fills out: this is my focus area, this is where I stand. We have a scale in the app, so they fill it out. It looks different, but it is a similar approach, and I don't have to do it with the client.
Tobi
So that means when you work with a coaching service provider, the clients already do some sort of onboarding, and as part of that onboarding a Wheel of Life survey, which immediately gives you something to work with. How does that look compared to the Wheel of Life here?
Ebony Fagbuyi
I am not quite sure what they fill out behind the scenes, but what I see as a coach is that they have already filled out a survey. These are my three focus areas, for instance. These are the goals I want to approach within these focus areas.
Tobi
So there is a sort of dashboard, visualizing where we arrive and how we progress.
It can be a Wheel of Life or something else. But also, let's say I am a coach and I want to choose the Wheel of Life: this is the progress we made.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Right.
Tobi
Thanks so much for this little tour and the coaching session.
Is there something you would still like to say about this tool, or about working with tools like these?
Ebony Fagbuyi
What I would like to say about tools is, depending on who is listening and where they are coming from, do not get too concerned about having a lot of tools. Start with one, two, three tools that you feel good about, work with them, get comfortable with them, and progress from there, because your main tool is coaching.
Tobi
It is the presence and the ability to get the client to connect with themselves, literally in my case today as well.
Ebony Fagbuyi
Yes.
Tobi
The tool is just the entry point to it.
Ebony Fagbuyi
My pleasure. Thank you for having me, and have fun with the Wheel of Life, should you use it.
Tobi
Thank you.
This was our second episode with Ebony Fagbuyi. It might not have been the first time you hear about the Wheel of Life, but maybe it still gave you a new perspective, or a small refresher where you say, let me pull this out again. You can find plenty of templates online, and very soon also on metaFox.eu/wheel-of-life.
There you can download a PDF, or, if you like to add your own logo, access a Canva template. If you want to connect with Ebony, go to EbonyFagbuyi.com. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend or leave us a rating, that would help us a lot. I'm Tobi from metaFox. This was the Making of a Coach, and on our next episode we meet a new coach.
It is only a week away. All the best. Until then, bye bye.